Men are from earth, women are also from earth, can we drop the stupid gender essentialism?

25 May, 2025

You know, the whole alpha male dating culture thing just confuses me.

Because, it seems that, increasingly, people seem to just view women as like, an entirely different species completely divorced from reality?

You see people talking about all these different psychological tricks to "get women" or whatever, acting like we're just robots that respond to the correct input.

And you get tons of people complaining about how every girl wants someone who's 6'2 when like... If the only reason someone is dating you is your height, you should be running away right the fuck now because that isn't a healthy relationship.

And you get people acting almost offended when you point out that, no, most people don't mainly care about looks. The goal of a relationship isn't to get a partner that ticks as many boxes as possible on your checklist of being conventionally attractive™, it's about forming a genuine bond with someone and appreciating them based on who they are, not what they look like.

And, I guess a big reason for that is because that simplified world view does make things easier. Because you can blame it on others when you can't get into a relationship. It's a much more comforting idea to just say that it's those evil women only wanting to date 6'2 guys making 100k+ annually, when in reality the problem is that it's really damn hard to form connections with people, and to put yourself out there. It requires a lot of effort, is really uncomfortable and often takes a ton of luck. And with there being less third spaces out there nowadays where you can actually go and meet people, it's getting harder and harder. And those aren't easy problems to solve, so it's way easier to just pin the blame on women and call it a day.

I think part of it is also how we are being socialized. From the moment we come into this world, we're taught that there's big, fundamental differences between genders. Blue is a boy's color, pink is a girls color, that we're fundamentally different beings. It makes people view women as this sort of alien species they just so happen to coexist with, that has a world view totally alien from theirs. When in reality, we're all just human. That's the reason there's so many incredibly awfully written female characters. Because all this conditioning trained a lot of writers to "write a woman", not to write a character who happens to be a woman.¹ Because, pro tip, just write women like you would your male characters. Because we're just people.

Blue isn't a boy's color, pink isn't a girl's color. Skirts aren't girls clothing. The idea of gendered colors or clothing is pretty ridiculous, it just exists to sell shit. Not everyone wants someone conforming to the narrow traditional beauty standards that some guys think they have to live up to, and most people don't make that their primary judging criteria. Put yourself out there, talk to people and be a cool person. And eventually you'll find someone who likes you, and who you can build a genuine connection with because of who you are, not because you check some arbitrary box. Also, try wearing a skirt because they're awesome. That's the main moral here really. Guys with skirts, i mean.